Welcome to The Electoral College!

Where tradition meets ambiguity.

We are honored that you believe you are in any way appropriate and able to study at our pristine academy. With our rich history of questionable methods, TEC has been shaping futures (or ignoring them) since 1787. At TEC, we pride ourselves on our perplexing ideals of democracy, even (and perhaps especially) if people disagree.

Our History:

Who cares about the future?

Our great nation’s Founders had a simple vision: to create a school that wasn’t just about education, but also about symbolism, legacy, and ensuring that certain students were always more equal than others. Our school strives to keep that tradition alive. We don’t really care if you think it’s impractical. We like it. As the saying goes, “if it ain’t broke, don’t fix it.”

In 1787, our founding fathers created both TEC and PVU as a compromise, claiming that the balance between these two colleges would ensure a fair collegiate education system.

Yet, this balance has never really materialized. Although PVU has been rated and ranked higher, we’re still valued more, so who’s really winning? Furthermore, while we’re supposed to be rival schools to ensure the balance, we haven’t lost a single football game to them since our schools were founded. Read more about that in the Student Life page.

The Electoral College Admissions Information:

We consider some applications with care.

Just like our history, TEC’s admissions process balances unique qualities with its position as one of the longest standing traditions of The USA democracy experiment. Nothing about us has changed since we were written into the Constitution.

Similar to other schools, our esteemed admissions committee, or electors as we like to call it, will read your application with great care and detail. (There will probably be less care and detail if you don’t live in a swing state). Once the decision is made, we will notify you. If you are unhappy with the result, too bad! We don’t care!

An incomparable part of our admissions process that sets us apart from other schools is that you get to watch while our electors either accept or reject you in real time. In fact, there is an infamous shift that happens almost every time. How thrilling is that?

If you are looking to transfer, your process will be put into a different pool to be evaluated separately. Unless you’re from the Popular Vote University. We don’t like PVU. You will not be accepted. Sorry.

As TEC is an elite school, the admissions process is challenging and ruthless. Only strong students will be accepted. It’s important to know what is required in your applications, but we don’t like to share this with our applicants as we would like to remain mysterious and interesting. It adds a certain je ne sais quoi, don’t you think? Use your best judgment. Good luck.

Student Life:

Athletics, and clubs, and chaos - oh my!

Ranging from athletics to school clubs, there are so many opportunities for you to seize at TEC.

Athletics:

Our sports teams are an integral part of student life here at TEC. Every 4 years, we have the big championship game against PVU. Although they score more points than us, the referee still declares us as the winner. If you decide to join our football team, we promise you will never lose. This is tradition. Who cares about fairness?

School Clubs:

TEC offers a wide variety of different clubs, ensuring that you will be able to find the best fit for you. For example, here are the three most popular clubs that TEC has to offer:

Swing State Sobriety Society: Practice your sobriety by denying poison from entering your body. Boycott alcohol, coffee, tea, and hot drinks!

Med(dling) Group: Provide healthcare to those in need!

Who cares about (minori)tea?: Dump tea in the sea every Thursday to commemorate the Boston Tea Party!

Similar to other schools, most of our clubs have an application process for inclusion. But what makes us especially unique: club leaders do not get to choose club members. A raffle does. You put your tickets into a hat, and someone will pick out the winning tickets. The number of raffle tickets you have in the bag will be based on your dorm, specifically, the number of people in your building. If you’re from California, congratulations! You get 54 changes to be accepted into the club of your dreams. If you’re from Wyoming, good luck! You get 3 chances. Why? Because we say so. Sad? Too bad!

Campus Activism:

We still encourage all of our students to speak their minds and use their voices in an effort to inspire change. It’s crucial that the younger generation learns to use their strength to fight for the issues important to them. This is, of course, what our Founding Fathers envisioned in their notion of democracy.

All this to say, as we value tradition over our students, there will be absolutely no reforms to any part of TEC, despite any complaints we may receive. The futile efforts of our students will prepare them for the real world. No one will listen to you if you aren’t important (aka RICH).

The power is in y(our) hands.

Campus Policies:

We don’t care if you actually know the rules. Do not break them.

Part of the reason why our school is so renowned is because we hold our students to a high standard, the same one since 1787. You can find a list of vague rules, contradictory recommendations, and illogical regulations in your student handbook, which you will receive during your orientation week if you enroll (obviously assuming you’ve been clever enough to be accepted).

Our campus policies extend to our infrastructure. To respect the tradition we value so dearly, we have sworn off any maintenance and remodeling, proudly displaying our 18th century buildings. TEC is complete with creaky floors, molding walls, and holes in the roof. If you squint, tilt your head, and observe from far away, beauty is all around you.

The best part is that no technology is allowed on campus. Our founding fathers didn’t have technology, so why should we? All assignments are to be completed by hand and only written in cursive (fresh ink and quill pens are especially appreciated, though not required).

What if you find yourself missing home? Most of our first year students do, in fact. We have a well-trained group of carrier pigeons who will deliver your messages home. You just request one of the pigeons, tie your message to its leg, and toss the pigeon out of your dorm window. Expect it to return with a heartwarming message from your loved ones within 10 years.

Financial Aid:

Success isn’t about hard work—it’s about hard cash.

There is a special program of our version of financial aid available to students: SuperPACs (Perfectly Ambiguous Cash.)

The more you donate, the higher your chances of acceptance! Most importantly, DO NOT put down TEC when asked who the receiver of the donations are. You may create a fake business or use a fake name, but DO NOT mention The Electoral College.

*SuperPAC is not affiliated with The Electoral College.*

International Students:

Our borders are as closed as our minds.

International students, don’t even bother! With our growing border walls, you are no longer welcome. We are committed to preserving the American Dream- absolutely zero diversity and limited cultural diffusion.

Who cares if America is only a global superpower because of all the immigrants and cultural exchange that came before? They’re all dead now.

It’s time to MAKE AMERICA GREAT AGAIN!

Why TEC?

Because you don’t have a choice.

We pride ourselves on our ability to withstand the test of time. We don’t just accept tradition— we celebrate it. While other schools may try frantically to lure you in with their “forward thinking” or “innovation,” don’t be fooled. Remember, change and progress are overrated. We firmly believe that our school motto: “we’ve always done it this way” is a perfectly fair justification to avoid growth. Here, we first glue together your mind then sew it shut for good measure, ensuring that you will never catch the disease of open-mindedness.

At TEC, the only thing we value more than tradition is conformity. Embrace it. Accept it. Accept us.

FAQS:

Feebly Answered Questions.

Q: Why do we still exist?

A: Because we can!

Q: Is this a democratic process?

A: Define democratic.

Q: What are you looking for in an applicant?

A: That’s for us to know and you to find out.

Q: How easy is it to change my major after acceptance?

A: What’s change?

Q: Does TEC have accommodations for people with disabilities?

A: Our founding fathers didn’t need them; man up.

Q: What if English isn’t my first language, but I am still an American Citizen? Are there accommodations for that?

A: You’re in America. Learn it.