Abortion Ban Gone Wrong: Teen Pregnancy Continues to Rise
Breaking news!! Welcome back to the Explosion Broadcast!
In a bold move by the US Supreme Court, the case of Roe V Wade has finally been overturned. The court voted 5/4 in favor of putting the law back into the hands of each separate State. Now, 41 States have abortion restrictions in effect, and within those States, 13 have a total abortion ban and 28 States have abortion bans based on gestational duration.
As if things couldn’t get any worse - Oakbridge Hills High School finds itself in the middle of a teen pregnancy crisis. Two teenagers were found kissing in the toilet; after they were separated, the girl was sent to hospital for confirmation of her pregnancy. After checkups from professional doctors, the teenage girl was in fact determined to be up the duff.
Yes, you heard that right, she is pregnant from having kissed her boyfriend!
The situation has become even more contagious! High schools all across America are now reporting high numbers of pregnant teenage girls who confirm that they “only kissed him!” Before it escalates to a national problem, the CDC and the FDA warn all citizens of America to keep young people from touching at all!
Congress is currently rushing through a bill to make all physical contact for people ages 18 and under illegal. It is imperative, of course, in a post Roe V Wade world, because what will those ‘banned States’ do with all those babies?
Our Explosion Broadcast team has been in the field to gauge public opinion, interviewing parents and guardians regarding the situation they now face with their children. All across the nation, they picket outside high schools, demanding that school administrations cover the cost of the unavoidable resultant babies. And they call for better sex education in classrooms, blaming teachers for this tragedy.
Start of interview:
“Hello Mr Williams, Mrs Williams, Mr Smith, and Mrs Smith. Thank you for agreeing to answer our questions today. What do you think about this action your children chose to take?”
“Well, my wife and I think that our son has been ruined by an education system that didn’t prepare him. How could he be blamed for not knowing that he was so potent? To think that kissing in the toilet with a girl is a good idea - surely teachers should have covered this in elementary school. Now the girl, a resident of Texas, can’t even abort the baby. What is the country gonna do, make us take care of it? I am so disappointed.”
“Thank you, Mr Williams. That sounds incredibly upsetting. Now how about you, Mr and Mrs Smith? What do you have to say about your daughter’s actions? Was she aware that she could so easily get pregnant?”
Mrs Smith, unfortunately, could not control her sobs as the camera focused on her face. And her husband, totally dumbfounded by what to do, simply put his arms around her and walked her away from the camera.
After a long, awkward pause, “That’s it for us from here at Oakbridge Hills High School.” Over to you, Rob.
As seen in this interview, the reactions of the parents are significant. They seem shocked to know that their children misunderstood the repercussions of kissing, and they felt disappointed that the school didn’t teach them the right thing to do. Furthermore, their children are now forced to take care of a baby in a state where they can’t even fully take care of themselves yet.
Back in Oakbridge, our correspondents now bring to us interviews from the young people themselves.
Start of interview:
“Hello Sarah and Henry. Welcome to the Explosion Broadcast interview. Were you aware of the dangers faced by kissing each other in the school toilet? ”
“Well I don’t really regret kissing Sarah, I like her a lot and I think it was the best experience of my life. I didn’t know exactly how babies were made, but when I learnt from the tv that kissing could make babies, I decided to try it out with Sarah.”
“What do you think about this, Sarah?”
“When I found out that I was pregnant, I felt a bit flustered and concerned about the future. I don’t think my parents will be happy about my decision, but I have to take care of the baby since abortion isn’t allowed. And I love Henry. I don’t regret kissing him.”
End of interview.
Now the interviews have gone public, Oakbridge Hills High School faces major reputation damage. The parents of Sarah and Henry have even threatened to sue the school for not better informing the students about the risks of kissing.
However, the school administration feels unjustly accused by parents and young people. In an interview, the janitor, on behalf of the Principal, said “Blame it on the government. They set the curriculum requirements, not us. We can’t break the law and teach sex education in schools when we are told not to. That would be ridiculous. Go protest yourself if you want sex education to be a robust and thoughtful addition to the school curriculum. If you don’t want the baby, try overturning the abortion laws yourself. We can’t do everything.”
Following discussions about Congress’ plan to nip this problem in the bud through careful legislation, young people across the nation have taken to the streets in democratic protest, threatening to stop obeying their parents altogether!
This is all we have for today at Explosion Broadcast. We will continue to follow up with this situation as developments come in. Parents - for now, continue to be vigilant. Separate all young people from each other. Take no responsibility for their sex education, and bury your head in the sand for what lies on the horizon.
Until next time! Thank you for tuning in to the Explosion Broadcast.
